A Colorful Spring Landscape: Improving Concrete Detail and Commentary for Young Writers

Hi, Dr. Louis,

I’ve been working with my students using the Jane Schaffer approach -- that is, focusing on CDs, CMs, decoding prompts, and writing 2+:1 chunks. The next step is to guide them in writing strong topic sentences based on the chunks they have already created.

The plan includes two days combined into one, as those days have shorter ELA periods. The overall goal of the plan is for the students to identify and write solid topic sentences (TS).

Thanks for your support,

Faith

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Hi, Faith,

I love the way you have started. Thank you for asking me for my input. That you want to use JSWP® with fidelity is wonderful and will make a huge difference as you share with your teachers and work with your students. Following are my remarks:

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Your Example:

TS: Spring is an exciting season because plants begin to grow and the weather gets warmer.

CD: Flowers start to bloom in many places.

CD: The weather becomes warmer and more comfortable.

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My Initial Response:

• Your TS is fine.
• Your CDs have commentary.

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The Fix (2+:1):

• ‍TS: Spring is an exciting season because plants begin to grow and the weather gets warmer.‍
• CD1: In Texas, during the spring months, roses, salvia, and lilies begin to bloom. (Notice the five bolded, specific, and relevant details -- that's what we mean by CDs!)‍
• CD2: The temperature also changes in the spring. (Notice my "changes" versus your "warmer" and "comfortable." These latter words are commentary because they are relative. What seems "warm" or "comfortable" to me might not seem "warm" or "comfortable" to you.)‍
• CD3: While winter temperatures in Texas range from the 30s to the 50s, when spring arrives, the temperatures range from the 50s to the 80s. (Note the specificity of details.)‍
• CM: The landscape is colorful (refers to CD1), and the temperatures are comfortable (refers to CD2 and CD3).

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The Final Draft:

Spring is an exciting season because plants begin to grow and the weather gets warmer. During a typical Texas spring, flowers, such as roses, salvia, and lilies begin blooming. The temperature in Texas also changes. While winter temperatures in Texas often range from the 30s to the 50s, when March arrives, the temperatures tend to hover between the 50s and the 80s. During this special time of year in Texas, the landscape is colorful, and its temperatures are comfortable.

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My Guidance:

• Your TS was fine, and it is derived from the right-side of the JSWP® T-Chart.
• With "2+" for Concrete Details, don't hesitate to let your students write more than 2 sentences.
• Notice how each sentence of concrete detail has multiple details. Remember, "2+" means sentences, but there may be multiple CDs in one sentence -- or not.
• Notice the revision in the final draft. Here is where you would talk to your students about learning new vocabulary and eliminating repetition. Remind your students, "There is always room for improvement."
• For generating commentary, remember that students need to question themselves to brainstorm insightful commentary. For this reason, the JSWP® T-Chart is your best friend. From elementary to high school, teachers tell me all the time that the T-Chart is the best of all the graphic organizers. We can't assume that a student can automatically come up with words and phrases, such as, "special time of year," "colorful," and "comfortable." The T-Chart solves this problem! And the TS, as well as the Concluding Sentence (CS) for a body paragraph, is also generated from this graphic organizer.
• When students brainstorm on the T-Chart, creating a revised TS, commentary, and a concluding sentence becomes not only much easier and less redundant than usual but also prevents students' simply paraphrasing the CDs.

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I hope this guidance is helpful. I’m excited that you are honing your craft, which is what a master teacher does!

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Keep reading and writing!

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Warm regards and Happy Spring!

Dr. Louis